MEJIBRAY – Sou to utsu to kyoukai (Boundary between depression and mania)


mejibray-decadenceMEJIBRAY – DECADANCE-Counting Goats…if I can’t be yours

[2013.11.06.]

Tracklist:

01 DECADANCE-Counting Goats…if I can’t be yours
02 Melancholia

03 Sou to utsu to kyoukai


 

Romaji:

sugoku tsukareta…
hakinarenai BU-TSU no najimanai kawa no sei… sou iikikase aruku
koe wa denai
shikai ga kyuu ni BATto ochitari, yugandari suru n’da
kodoku no heya de kikoeru waraigoe…

mousou ga RIARU ni miete
hakike ga oso’u
shisen wa sadamaranai
kidzukeba tsukuriwarai, hito no me o kinishite
suki na uta kuchizusamu. namida ga afureru
“ima wa nani shiteru no?”
“kinou ni modorereba waraeta” hibikuchi ni…

Borderline
sen o hikitsudzuketa matsuro
Borderline
takusareta shiro ni izon no umi
Borderline
kikoeru hazu no nai waraigoe
Borderline

– nee, kono kao waraeteru? –

moshimo boku ga shinu no nara
kitto sore wa koiteki desu.
hitobito no kioku kara boku o keshite…
boku no inai nichijou de boku no hanashi wa shinaide
sore o totemo samishiku, kanashiku kanjiru no desu.

sou to utsu de guchagucha nan desu.
toppatsuteki na mousou ni tsubure
isha wa kuchi o soroe “BPD”
boku wa misuterareru to iu fuan o…
tada aishite hoshii to
tada soba ni ite hoshii to
hakike o tae naku no deshita.
zen’in shineba ii noni.

moshimo boku ga shinu no nara
kitto sore wa koiteki desu.
hitobito no kioku kara boku o keshite…
boku no inai nichijou de boku no hanashi wa shinaide
sore o totemo samishiku, kanashiku kanjiru no desu.

kanjou o oshikorosu no mo tsukareta
zettaiteki aku wa SORE darou
waraenai hibi ga fueta
souzou shita mirai to wa chigau
hito ga kimi ga boku o okizari ni shiteyuku
“nara”
wasurete kure

Translation:

I’m extremely tired…
Because of skin, which is not accustomed with wearing boots… I walk further persuading myself about it
But I say not a word
My field of vision suddenly faded, because it became distorted
In this room of loneliness, in which laughter can be heard…

Seeing delusions in reality
Nausea hunts me down
Line of sight is changeable
Your fake smile, like if you ever cared; you care a lot about what people would think about you
I hum my favorite song. Overflowed by tears
“What are you doing now?”
Daily tasting the… 『It would make me smile, if I could back to yesterday』

Borderline
Fate which has continued for a long time
Sea of dependance, whiteness which I entrusted
Laughing voice, which should never be heard

– Hey, is this face making you laugh?-

If I die
It will be surely intentional death.
It will erase me from people’s memories…
In the reality without me, don’t speak about me
Because it makes me feel lonely and sad.

With my mania and depression I’m just a mess
I’m getting lost in my abrupt delusions
Doctor justifies it by “BPD”*
I’m afraid of being abandoned…
I just want to be loved
I just want to be next to you
Enduring nausea I was crying.
I wouldn’t care if everyone dies.

If I die
It will be surely intentional death.
It will erase me from people’s memories…
In the reality without me, don’t speak about me
Because it makes me feel lonely and sad.

I’m tired of stifling my emotions
It would be this, what is called the absolute evil
Number of days without smile increased
It’s different from future, which I have imagined
People, you, everyone’s leaving me behind
“If so, then”
Forget about me

* BPD means Borderline Personality Disorder

Kanji:

凄く疲れた・・・
履きなれないブーツの馴染まない皮のせい・・・そう言い聞かせ歩く
声は出ない
視界が急にバッと落ちたり、歪んだりするんだ
孤独の部屋で聞こえる笑い声・・・

妄想がリアルに見えて
吐き気が襲う
視線は定まらない
気付けば作り笑い、人の目を気にして
好きな歌口ずさむ。涙が溢れる
“今は何してるの?”
『昨日に戻れれば笑えた』日々口に・・・

Borderline
線を引き続けた末路
託された白に依存の海
聞こえるはずのない嗤い声

-ねぇ、この顔笑えてる?-

もしも僕が死ぬのなら
きっとそれは故意的です。
人々の記憶から僕を消して・・・
僕のいない日常で僕の話はしないで
それをとても淋しく、悲しく感じるのです。

躁と鬱でぐちゃぐちゃなんです。
突発的な妄想に潰れ
医者は口を揃え“BPD”
僕は見捨てられるという不安を・・・
ただ愛して欲しいと
ただそばにいて欲しいと
吐き気を耐え泣くのでした。
全員死ねば良いのに。

もしも僕が死ぬのなら
きっとそれは故意的です。
人々の記憶から僕を消して・・・
僕のいない日常で僕の話はしないで
それをとても淋しく、悲しく感じるのです。

感情を押し殺すのも疲れた
絶対的悪はソレだろう
笑えない日々が増えた
想像した未来とは違う
人が君が僕を置き去りにしてゆく
“なら”
忘れてくれ

credit: @hiphopvomit @mojim @visual-honyaku.BP

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One thought on “MEJIBRAY – Sou to utsu to kyoukai (Boundary between depression and mania)

  1. Hi! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?There s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content.Please let me know. Many thanks

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